I'm a 37-year-old man with a 17-month-old little boy, and I am increasingly out of touch with video games. But since I work at Mashable, where I am the science editor, I am surrounded by people who do play video games, and who are obsessing over something called "Pokémon Go" at the moment.
I've been trying to figure out what the hell Pokémon Go is, but without telling people that I have no idea what it is. I do this whenever I don't want to appear like a pop culture idiot, and it's happening with increasing frequency as I get older.
Here is what I've learned from chatting with folks via Slack and in person. What follows is my best guess as to what this game is, and what it isn't.
I hope it helps those who are, like me, in no position to pay attention to this in detail, but still sort of have to hear about it.
It's a game of some sort
It's a video game, but not just any game, an "AR game," which I think means "always reversible."
That must be nice, since it means you can skip back one level to do something you forgot to do before, like grabbing your keys before leaving home, for once.
Or maybe it means: "alternative reality." Or is it "absolutely realistic?" Maybe it's the latter. Games are getting more real these days, right?
Picking up characters or special powers or somethin'
You pick up other Pokémon Go characters or prizes or character prizes outside, inside, or really just about everywhere.
My colleague Maya found six "furbles" in Prospect Park, Brooklyn this morning.
Good for her. She's talented and wise, and deserves nice things.
Given all the extra and eccentric passengers some of my colleagues picked up on the way to work, I'm not sure if you have to take an Uber carpool to play this game, or if you can stop and pick other characters up while on the subway?
Prizes are often taken straight out of the air, forcing people to walk while holding the phone in front of them, unaware of their surroundings.
This is neat, but also terrifying. Are there prizes or characters floating above my head right now? And if so, what do they want with me? Why is this happening? Who put them there?
Frustrations
Sometimes a prize in Pokémon Go appears to be right where you are, but yet you can't pick it up.
I've witnessed this type of frustration in new ways recently.
For example, when my son tries to feed himself, instead of getting yogurt in his mouth, a large fraction of it goes into his hair or on the wall.
This is frustrating for him, and it must also be clearly annoying for Pokémon Go players.
Battery Life
It drains your phone's battery faster than simply using your phone as a phone does.
A lot of Pokémon Go players at work are complaining about this.
Of course, there is a solution to this — just stop playing this game. But that brings me to another point.
It appears to be impossible to stop playing this game. It seems to be an addiction, and one that turns people into proselytizers, or really, Pokémon Go dealers, trying to suck others into their descending spiral of a video game life.
It's like the old Pokémon games, except it is pro-exercise
As far as I can tell, my friends who played Pokémon Go this weekend each went out and about, hunting for Pokémon Go-related things.
In this way, perhaps the game is a stealth exercise program? Or something to encourage us to go out and enjoy nature, except while staring at our phones, rather than at trees, birds or other natural things.
Pokémon Go is a convenient distraction
This is a time when the country desperately needs a distraction, given the racial unrest of late, and the ugly presidential contest that many see as a choice between two divisive candidates.
I am betting that Hillary had an unauthorized, beta copy of Pokémon Go on her non-State Department cell phone, while Donald Trump may soon advocate making Pokémon Go home to Japan, to be consistent with the rest of his anti-immigration platform.
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